I was thinking what to post for this... and I was going to post before this but I couldn't think XD. Anyways, I figured that I would talk about what is going on right now. 

School is pretty good I guess... but my friend seems to be getting mad at me a lot more often now. I almost felt like going up and asking her, "Why me? Why is it always me that you get mad at? Why isn't it anyone else? Why am I the one to always suffer the most..." But in the end I didn't. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I want everyone to be happy there and the only reason I am in the school now is because I have friends there. I don't want to leave them but I just can't bear it anymore... I am always doing things wrong to people and I don't know how much more I can handle. Always having to hide the pain and trying to apologize to the person a million times. I am bring myself closer to moving away... I don't want to but I might just have to. I know that all of their lives will be fine without me. I am only there to bring pain to them. I am always choosing wrong decisions and this bringing pain the my friends. I don't know how I will be able to last grade 10 if I am even going. 

The last day of school is going to be hard for me. I won't know if I'm going to be back next year. If I'm not then that is the last time that I will see all of my friends. But if they are smiling then it will make me feel better. I will know that my job at that school is done. I've tried so hard and if they are smiling then I know that I have helped them in one way or another. I want to stay but I want what's best for my family. I guess you could say that I put people's well being before mine. Not always but lots of the time. 

I once made this mistake. When one of my friends started sitting with other people at lunch I figured that she was mad at me. But I soon realized that I was wrong. She wasn't mad, she just wanted to make more friends and sit with other people. It was a little bit hard to live with but I got used to it. I want people to be happy, and if that means them hanging out with and making new friends then I am fine with it. They have done the one thing that in all of my life I have never been able to do:

Not caring about what people say, and you just go and do things your own way.

I have always wanted to do this, but I haven't been able to. I have been taken advantage of so many times but I don't care. I want to help and that's all that matters.

Man that was hard to write. But I'm glad that I did. It helps me a  lot to do this. I hope that all of you have read all the way to this point. So I thank you.

I found this picture and it reminds me so much of my friends so I will show it to you. If you know me in real life then you might know what I am talking about.

I know... I am never on when a holiday is so I always end up posting like the day or two after it. Anyways, Happy Easter everyone! It has been pretty crazy at school lately... project... test.... the works I guess... But now that it is over we can relax...for a bit that is... exams are coming up and I am NOT ready at ALL!! I am too much of a slacker to start... or a computer obsessed girl... one or the other... doesn't really matter to me..... 

I have been really obsessed with downloading things now... and I have been obsessed with the song RESCUE by KAT-TUN. I don't know why.. but it is just really good. And now I am getting off track of what I was talking about before...well I don't think there is much to talk about....

 seeing as my life has been the same as it normally is... filled with the same beautiful people... and the same weird people too ^ ^ haha...

P.S. I want to go shopping... but I am flat broke TT_TT

Oh and the banner.. that is just cause I love these people!! >//////<

The No Name Post

I was thinking what to write for this entry.... but I couldn't really think of anything.... so that is why the title is the no name post... Although there is one thing that has been bugging me recently...

I have this friend, who always gets mad at me for the littlest things. So she had gotten mad at me again and I had to apologize, again. But this time when I apologized she told me that she always acts happy because I am always not. She had also said that the only people that she can be who she wants with are the rest of my friends. As I was reading that I looked at the names, and saw that it was all of my other friends, except me. This has happened to be once before with another one of my frie

nds. She told me that she doesn't think of me as her best friend. Well this one did the exact same thing. I makes me feel really sad that even though you feel that that person is your best friend, but it turns out that they don't think of you as their best friend. It's always this way. Whenever I think someone is my best friend, they either totally ditch me for other people, or they actually tell me that they don't feel that I am their best friend. I guess that I shouldn't get close to people like I have been. So far, it has ended up in "I don't think of you as my best friend." two times already. It makes me feel kind of sad. I try so hard for them, but I guess I am just not good enough to be their best friend. It hurts to see those words... it really does. But I feel that telling someone is better than just ditching them all together. I just want to be best friends with everyone, but now I know, life isn't perfect when it comes to that. Things always turn out bad for me anyway, so I don't know why I except so much.

One a better note, I finished the banner.... It looks a little but plain, but whatever, I am not good with picking out guy photo's. Those are the two guys that I love right now! But there are more... haha but there were no good pictures... so whatever. Sorry for the plainness again. It kind of looks like fall too... I don't know why... it just looked good like that.