My true Feelings

I was thinking what to post for this... and I was going to post before this but I couldn't think XD. Anyways, I figured that I would talk about what is going on right now. 

School is pretty good I guess... but my friend seems to be getting mad at me a lot more often now. I almost felt like going up and asking her, "Why me? Why is it always me that you get mad at? Why isn't it anyone else? Why am I the one to always suffer the most..." But in the end I didn't. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I want everyone to be happy there and the only reason I am in the school now is because I have friends there. I don't want to leave them but I just can't bear it anymore... I am always doing things wrong to people and I don't know how much more I can handle. Always having to hide the pain and trying to apologize to the person a million times. I am bring myself closer to moving away... I don't want to but I might just have to. I know that all of their lives will be fine without me. I am only there to bring pain to them. I am always choosing wrong decisions and this bringing pain the my friends. I don't know how I will be able to last grade 10 if I am even going. 

The last day of school is going to be hard for me. I won't know if I'm going to be back next year. If I'm not then that is the last time that I will see all of my friends. But if they are smiling then it will make me feel better. I will know that my job at that school is done. I've tried so hard and if they are smiling then I know that I have helped them in one way or another. I want to stay but I want what's best for my family. I guess you could say that I put people's well being before mine. Not always but lots of the time. 

I once made this mistake. When one of my friends started sitting with other people at lunch I figured that she was mad at me. But I soon realized that I was wrong. She wasn't mad, she just wanted to make more friends and sit with other people. It was a little bit hard to live with but I got used to it. I want people to be happy, and if that means them hanging out with and making new friends then I am fine with it. They have done the one thing that in all of my life I have never been able to do:

Not caring about what people say, and you just go and do things your own way.

I have always wanted to do this, but I haven't been able to. I have been taken advantage of so many times but I don't care. I want to help and that's all that matters.

Man that was hard to write. But I'm glad that I did. It helps me a  lot to do this. I hope that all of you have read all the way to this point. So I thank you.

I found this picture and it reminds me so much of my friends so I will show it to you. If you know me in real life then you might know what I am talking about.